I should have gone after her. I know that now. Well, maybe I shouldn’t say that, that’s misleading because I knew it then too. I just didn’t go. And why? “Safety first.”
You know, when people tell you that, they are telling you that safety comes before all else. If they would finish that statement or say something along the lines of “Safety before foolishness” or “safety before mischief”, then it would be ok. But they don’t say that. They say simply, all inclusively, “safety first.” So that means not only “safety before trouble and tomfoolery” but it means also “safety before love”, “safety before happiness”.
Now, fine, not everyone thinks that way. Not everyone would rather live a moderately and occasionally risky life than be alone and miserable. So when people say “safety first”, maybe they should include that “only safety first if it does not in any way obstruct your happiness if you are the type of person who prefers a life of pleasure and bliss through taking chances over a life of ennui”. Well sure, that’s a mouthful. So maybe that’s one of the reasons people don’t say it. But if they are too lazy to say that, they could just say, completely in place of “safety first”, “consider safety”, “make safety a priority”, or even “put safety somewhere on your list”. That way each person can prioritize the way that is fitting for them.
But in spite of that rant of mine, I don’t think its laziness, I think its apathy. I think people are too inconsiderate to reflect on other people’s situations and whether or not what might be reasonable for one person is completely not acceptable for someone else. It really is quite sad for us, as human beings. We’re doomed as a species.
Well, anyway, as I was saying, I really ought to have gone after her when she jumped out of the boat and swam to the shore. But clearly, especially after I have explained my problem to you, it’s not my fault that I was confused. I had just been warned so inflexibly that while out on the boat I should think of “safety first”. The woman said that maybe (exactly) seven times, not including the last time when I could only see her mouth it over to us. I think there was something very strange and even wrong with that woman…
Well, when we were out in the boat, being all romantic, getting along just fine, I said something that—it wasn’t bad!—it just…well, I could see how she might accidentally and blamelessly take it wrong. So, she got mad at me and slapped me and then jumped out of the boat. I sat there, watching her swim away. I stood up actually and was about to jump out of the boat but then that crazy woman’s words came echoing back to me. “Safety first.” Surely jumping out of a boat in the middle of a lake and abandoning that boat there is not considering “safety first”. So I sat down. And I stayed in the boat.
See, you might not realize this, but it was actually the more mature decision. Despite all common sense that I had telling me to do other wise, despite my own exploding personal desires, and despite the fact that I just flat out wanted to piss off the “safety first” woman, I chose to repress all of that and watch after the boat. Well, ok so I’m still working on that lie a little bit. I’m really going to need to come up with something better because otherwise, what am I going to tell her and my friends later? What excuse could there be? I’m allergic to water? There, that’s a winner!
Ok, so maybe I possibly did actually make the wrong decision. Oh, what was I thinking? Well, at least now I know I should never heed the advice of a crazy woman with clearly very limited foresight who I don’t know and who gives me foolish and unfortunate advice resulting in huge debacles and resembling such insanities as “safety first”. There, lesson learned. Jump out of that damn boat.